top of page

Love games - Don't hate the player.. love the game

So it’s right around April 2018. I’m putting in my time at inpatient care at Lakeshore Hospital in Chicago. In the facility, there were a handful of millennials and gen-Z kids in this particular stint at the psych ward. Early on, we were all forming bonds with one another as many of us were battling similar demons. One of the girls, who was just saved from jumping off a bridge by an emergency search party, was talking to a new patient in the area where we all ate and attended group classes. It was early in the morning and the two were getting to know one another. I was briefly hovering over the two of them as they sat and chatted. The new kid was kinda the hard type. He began to make the argument, as he was addressing his own philosophy with women, that he didn’t play games. Apparently, games (love games anyway) were not for him. Before the girl could ask questions to further understand this life credo, I interrupted. ‘You don’t play games? How are you ever gonna fall in love?’ The girl swooped her head in my direction and put up a big shining smile. I had officially ended the conversation about this kid’s endeavor when dealing with women, and I walked away.

They say, and I believe Ice-T was first to use it in his lyrics, ‘don’t hate the player, hate the game’. I’ve always understood this to be a value one needs to hold true when it comes to love. When things don’t go your way it is important to not be mad at ‘the player’ on either side of whatever it is that went down. ‘The game’, on the other hand, is what to hate / despise. My problem tends to be that I often go about working to understand just exactly what the game is truly all about. Sometimes it is worth hating; Whether it be juvenile or just too much. How do you know you're in love? I have to believe it’s when the game she/he is playing fits or aligns with your own game.

So I got this girl problem. I speak on it in my book. The thing is I tend to like the girls that play and are hard to get. It’s a personable problem with me. I have a friend, and her and I were talking about a time another girl didn’t help me hit on a certain person at a local sushi place. I asked the sushi place girl why she didn’t help continue the dialogue, as I was clearly showing interest. She rolled her eyes and told me, ‘Will, she's out of your league’. I told this tale to my other girlfriend.. explaining to her my problem with the fact that this girl didn’t help me land a dime. I rebutted to the original girl, ‘I know she’s out of my league, but that’s the only league I want to play ball in’. She agreed. It’s a curse. If a girl never lets on that she likes me it definitely makes me pursue her even more. It’s just my natural inclination.

Anyway, my current girl situation is complicated. We played the hard to get game until exhaustion. Then she disappeared on me. I figured out where she lives, but not from her or a clue from a mutual friend. I didn’t obtain the information naturally, and therefore couldn’t use it. I asked my buddies on an online group chat, old friends from an all boys boarding school, what exactly I should do. Should I show up to where this girl lives and hope to see her randomly someday? They all agreed that I have to stay put. They told me that if I go find her I’m just going to find her with her new boyfriend. They were a little bit more explicit than that. I listened to them. Truth is, I already have to battle the negative stigma that comes with mental illness; last thing I need is a restraining order to go with it. Years have passed. I’m still drawn to this girl (I know, it's sad). She has successfully pulled off the love game of the disappearing act. I call it, Where in the World is Carmen San Diego. Truthfully, I have no idea.

The only option I was left with was to create a game of my own. In January 2019, I was put through a psych evaluation at Swedish Covenant Hospital. The doctor evaluating me tapped into my head. She was wonderful, and I couldn’t help but spill my made-up game to her. I was very giggly and excited. She asked if I had a roommate. I replied that I did not, but that I may be getting one someday. The inquiry continued and she asked if one roommate is all I might be getting. I told her that I might be getting two roommates - I added - smiling full of mischief. She loved it. She couldn’t help but smile right back. She even stuck out her tongue at me. What game am I concocting? Well, while you have fun running away from me, I’m busy picking up roommates. You go ahead and play Where in the World is Carmen San Diego.. I’m testing the waters with Three’s Company.

My advice to anyone out there working through relationship problems is to decide if the two of you connect. The only way to do this is to figure out each other's personality and humor… probably a lot more than that, but I’m single and have been for a long time so taking my advice might be crazy. :)-

6 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page