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Walking In My Shoes

It’s never a good idea to judge others or make accusations about another person’s life. In short, you have never really walked a mile in another person’s shoes. In fact, you haven’t even walked five steps. We are created in life to make our own path and, thereby, walk our own footsteps in the shoes we are given.

A big problem I encounter regarding ‘spreading’ mental awareness to others is that people can be dubious and naive to my story and my plight. If they doubt what I am saying to them then, surely, they are going to doubt others as well. Many naysayers arise in my life who do not believe what I’ve been through from what seems like jealousy. People think that the things that I say happen to me didn’t actually happen because it isn’t something that happened to them. It isn’t their experience. Sometimes the biggest doubters are doctors themselves.

I read a Facebook post, at least I remember it as a Facebook post. It might have been a tweet. Anyways, a person posed the question, why do you lie to your psychiatrist? Another person responded, and this is not verbatim, ‘So that I don’t get checked into a psych ward’… I had a good laugh at this response. It was funny to me because of how true it really can be. Oftentimes, I find myself tweaking my stories of reality when talking to doctors and therapists because I know that if I told them what was really going on in my life their level of concern would go up way too much. They would find my reality unbelievable to the point that I must be crazy if I actually believe what I am, in fact, telling them.

Doctor’s also have an arrogance about them that I cannot stand. A lot of them believe that they have the right to play judge and jury. I am mostly eluding to doctors in psych wards and ones I’ve had for certain psych evaluations (Not all doctors are this way, but enough of them truly are that it needs to be talked about). I have had far too many doctors look down on me and my circumstances just because they are ignorant to what is really going on. They carry with them disbelief to the point where they think they have all the answers and have easily figured me out. They tend to judge me based on what they see on paper and fail to listen to my subjective point of view. Suddenly my opinion of how things are in my life or in my family are left with little merit as they tend to choose to believe a more clear and simple outlook as to what is really going on with my sanity, if you will. Because I have been through the system enough to realize I will always be discarded and judged incorrectly, I tend to bite my tongue around the medical field as I know I really can’t trust these prestigious people with doses of my opinion and my story.

For me, I know that many of my stories can be looked at as a coincidence. However, when all these coincidences merge together in totality, they add up. Personally, things add up enough to the point where my story starts to look bogus, and it drives me nuts!.. Below is a story that I would never tell a doctor because they think there is a simple answer for something that is clearly a little too coincidental:

So to fill those of you who haven’t read my book in, my phone is a big topic of controversy as I postulate that it happens to be controlled or monitored… proof? You want proof? Well like I already stated, I never take this phone controversy to doctors because I don’t really like getting the big old eye role. And I know you, the reader, out there is probably already rolling your eyes at this monitored phone controversy but get this…

I’m out on the golf course over the summer. I’m playing a round by myself as I often did this past summer, almost every day. Of course, I got my new earbuds in and I am wireless playing the round of golf. I got about 700 songs on my playlist so I don’t have to worry about hearing the same thing twice. So to continue to set the scene, you should know that I have a classic rock station set to my car’s radio. It is set to 98.1 the Bear and I listen to the radio when I’m driving back and forth from the course to my parent’s cottage. I don’t continue to listen to my earbuds or playlist when I’m in the car because that is dangerous…

Ok… stick with me… on my playlist I have maybe four or five classic rock songs. Not many because that shit is from the 80’s and I try to grab new material. Either way, I don’t have a big classic rock selection. So I finish my round of golf, and on my earbuds, I’m jamming to one of those illustrious classic rock songs. I throw my clubs in the trunk, return the cart and jump in the driver’s seat. I take off my earbuds and turn the car on. The same song I was just listening to starts on the radio.

Coincidence, you bet!! But in the back of my mind I’m laughing because I know the goddesses set this all up. The phone goddesses, of course. They like to mess with me in all kinds of unprovable funny ways. This just adds to the long list. And honestly, I would have thought nothing of this, but it gets better.

The very next day, I end my round on a different classic rock song on my playlist. Now, I’m already thinking that this is going to be playing in the car when I get it started. First thing you have to understand; There is very little odds that I end my round of golf with classic rock playing on my phone two days in a row. However, that ends up being the case. And sure enough, the song just about ends on my playlist just as I start the car, and the song I was listening to is playing on 98.1 the Bear. Two days in a row, yeah right!!

Why don’t I tell people this kind of thing, especially doctors and therapists. Because everyone wants to put in their rational two cent answers as to how this is completely possible and it’s more than feasible and reasonable. If that is you, you’re an idiot. The possibility of all this happening two days back-to-back is worse than getting struck by lightning. The Goddesses that control this kind of shit definitely set this all up. It’s beyond coincidental and is quite clearly, among many other things, a sign that I’m being monitored and interfered with. Which, of course, I can’t tell anybody, because to have that train of thought only means I must be nuts. Worse yet, people think that for thinking this way I should be put up in a psych ward for a week to somehow curb my sound logic. No thanks… I’d rather keep it to myself. If you doubt my phone surveillance to be the case or even possible… do the math or just imagine that we live in a world where crazier things have happened… it’s okay that it’s not happening to you -- that goes to the doctors of the world especially!

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