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Earning Your Death Certificate

It remains paramount to always stay grounded. As a confident if not cocky individual such as myself, the only thing keeping me from driving off a cliff for a good time is gravity. When dealing with other people and learning how to deal with myself, gravity comes in the form of humility, humbleness, and kindness. Whether it be people who show me those characteristics, or times when I, myself, exhibit those characteristics, it is clear that these types of qualities are a form of gravity. They teach you to not get too big headed and not to go overboard with what can become dangerous personality traits.

With that said, leaving it all on the line is an attribute that I find important to live by. This YOLO lifestyle that people often talk about or emphasize really plays a factor in my life. I was talking to a friend -- even a mentor type -- and I told him that oftentimes people living with bipolar disorder tend to have quite a bit of a wild side. I added, we just like to live on the edge. Like I said in a previous blog post, you’re either the type that lays up and plays safely, or you’re the type that plays a round like it’s the last time you’re ever going to grip a golf club ever again.

I used to have a twitter profile -- that got blocked from twitter -- with a Bob Dylan quotation on the profile page. It read ‘If you ain’t got nothing, you got nothing to lose’. In the last three to four years of my life, I’ve gone for it all and lost it all. Now I’m left humbly putting things back together. However, going for broke didn’t break me. I’ve learned to live my life, oftentimes, picking up my crumbled self and crumbled pieces of myself. I’m not afraid to have nothing and live with nothing. I may be worth nothing but I’m stronger mentally than I’ve ever been.

There’s something to be said for people that go for broke; especially if it doesn’t work out for them. We learn to take and gain big swigs of humility. We rest on others’ kindness. We are forever humbled just to make it out alive. In other words, this ‘gravity’ is and was the only thing that keeps us from driving or even falling off that proverbial cliff. In the end, I’ve learned to live broken, having not succeeded in my attempts to change my circumstances. Because of this, I have learned to function incredibly well as a broken person and am not afraid where that leads me; as I am still standing.

Not everyone has the itch to act rich and die young. Not everyone is meant to carry the flag. But for those of us who do, I can tell you that you learn pretty quickly that your struggle defines your life…In other words, or to even sum up, one's struggle in life illustrates the character you leave behind and what you walk out with and away with in the end or in your final act.

My mom sometimes talks about how she wants to go out. She wants an easy exit when her number is called. This scares me. It’s okay, but the logic does not fit my personal ideals. I think you came into the world fighting, you mine as well go out the same way. I like the idea or notion of ‘die fighting’. I think it’s important to earn your last certificate; Your death certificate.

In the end, it’s an important part of life to always throw your hat into the ring, and maybe even more important to do so up until your last dollar; If you learn to bet it all, then you’ll be forced to learn how to live with nothing… More importantly, you will learn to live with less fear of losing out on your remaining pennies because you’ll have the knowledge to know just how to get them back. It is vital that in my life, and I would predict in all others’ lives, that if you have the itch to do something, whether it be chasing a girl or jumping out of a plane, and you’re any bit of a man (or woman), then you act on that itch. Live to your fullest potential, go for broke, and, as previously mentioned, earn that death certificate.

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